Works of Art

I ran again and this is what spilled out. 🙂😉Good morning!

Desperately looking for things I don’t need. 

The gold lies all around me.

Something unworthy of photo glory;

In the heart 

So precious and lovely.

Hold it, cherish it, don’t depart.

Break all the glorious rubbish apart.

Take up sweet courage to contemplate

Beautiful souls:

True Works of art. 

Run and live

I wrote this after I ran this morning. Thinking about all the discouraged souls out there. Whether you run or not take your passion and feels its breath. Really. Take its breath. You need it and the world awaits you. 

Run because you love it

The wind and air entering closed lungs

The ground cheering on each step

Run because the dawn greets you with a song

The song opens deaf ears and life is yours again

Live and let passion rule the day! 

Red utterances


Red

energy

That vivacity to lift 

me through the seasons.

Everyday anew.

A beginning.

Between here and then

Follow me

when blood fails me.

when weakness triumphs.

But for now

Stay in my minds eye.

Nestle.

Breathe a little life.

Remove the bandages.

Heal.

Make the marvelous known.

As stones speak,

sweet reality

fills the night.

Olympian Hope

The beauty of the Olympics is so complex yet so simple. There are beautiful and talented people all over the globe. I am so proud to see so many body types, colors, and personalities representing different places in the world. We get to see on a world stage what the human being can accomplish. There is no easy answer in our current environment but the Olympics shows us the value of people from everywhere. I love it! The Olympics has undone the tension I’ve been feeling over the last few months.
I love every story I have read. Messages of struggle, odds, encouragement, victory and hope. Let’s be hopeful people.  

Back again! 

No Easy Answer

I live in America. I think you know what that means right now. Civil unrest. Some of us care more about somethings than others. I think that’s fine especially if you like to run over swimming or something like that; but this week’s topic isn’t that easy. 

Race in America. Some want to forget it. Some want to talk about it all the time. Some will wear a white cape over their head and say the n word without flinching and others only have one black friend that I still haven’t met. 
No one owns slaves here on our land. We own things now. We have things. (How we have them is another story.) So what are we fighting about? Some want the good ol’ days back because in the good old days there was Jim Crow and before that there were slaves. Those days. 

Those days were good only for some. So why are we fighting? 
People died this week. All of them innocent. 

Should a movement that protects the rights of the innocent cease it’s cry? Should we assume that it’s cry is causing all the wrongs in our society. Should we stop finding a cure? I don’t think cancer research stopped it’s movement because people kept dying. “Oh well, they’re going to die anyway. ”

What do you think? Give up? Go to sleep? The struggle is so real. Lots of perspectives over one story. One story we wish would end. 

I’m sure people in the 60’s wanted it to end. It came with a struggle. It came at a price. How will we see this in the next 10 or 20 years? Will we still be arguing the same thing? There is no easy answer. 
I pray for every person of every color. I hope these stories aren’t forgotten. Neither life taken is in vain. I don’t mention one type of life over the other because neither person is worth more than the other. That seems to be part of the discussion. I can’t figure out which to name first because I feel offense is taken both ways. 

I call it a discussion because I believe our feelings are real. We all have feelings. God sees our feelings. He sees our hurt. He knows. He has no favorites. He knows when we are misunderstood. He knows when we misunderstand. He knows when we cooperate and when we don’t. He knows He can forgive and we have a terrible time obeying. I know it’s hard for me. But as every tear falls from all involved He catches them all. He knows the injustice on all sides and all the things we can’t explain without being misunderstood. 

Let God hold you now because people can not at times. We are all in this together. Neither one of us above the law nor despised. I believe that. Justice is for everyone not just for some. Sometimes we look in the mirror and remember and sometimes we forget. I hope this is a time for everyone to allow love to make the transformation that we desperately need. Things can not stay the same. 
Overcome together and love. 

Happiness: Ode to the 75 lb bag

 

This is isn’t the 75 lb bag. This is my 46 lb daughter. 

Back again  on this six times a week workout. This last week I actually worked out 7 times a week. I’m training for CG games. I am still a little nervous because I push too much sometimes. I am getting older and I want to adjust. 

This is recovery week so I have a little time to reflect. I bear crawled with a 75 pound bag attached to my petite body, but I got through it. I think it’s as big as I am.  Thinking through it. I need to keep bear crawling. Practice. It should be easy.

 

 

You.

I never knew.

Heavy and

unliftable

You.

The bag behind me

stay there.

I’ll get you through

100 yards.

I’ll collapse.

I’ll come back

for more.

Next time, I’ll come back with more punch. Sometimes that’s how I think through my work out. Just punch it out. It’s not a baby; it’s a bag.

Covering Up

I am so glad Alicia Keys is being honest about “covering up” as a woman. When I was a kid I really didn’t like make up. It felt like dirt on my face. I didn’t begin to put it on make up until I was thirty. I remember my husband asking me “why all of a sudden?” I put it on now in my thirties because I think it’s “better.” I think I look less flawed. I certainly was not doing this for him. I was doing it because of criticism. But what I think my thirty year old self would say is “who are you trying to impress or suppress from criticizing you?” 

Note: when I speak of women, I am not speaking of 100 percent of us. I am speaking about those I have encountered and those I have read about. If you are comfortable in your own skin or in your make-up without worrying about others, I applaud you. I don’t want to deny your experience so allow me to tell mine.

Women critique each other from hairstyle to toenail polish. Isn’t that disrespectful? We imprison ourselves with a fake sense of beauty. We don’t appreciate ourselves for who we naturally are.

Make up is color.  There is nothing wrong with liking color. I love the color of beautiful stones and the color of a sunset, but those things are naturally occurring. And if you enjoy color on your face for your self ok; but I question the moment  when we can’t live without it for the sake of someone else’s approval. Is this healthy?  I ask myself:  Can I live without food? Can I live without makeup? Do I have a choice or is make-up a criterion for ladyhood? 

Some of us wouldn’t dare let anyone see us without makeup and that’s when we have to be honest with ourselves. Why should the opinions of other women or men control our freedom to be ourselves? We fear criticism. 

Some of us think “perfection” gains us some peace. I know it did for me. I wouldn’t be the “unkempt” one if I just added the make up. 

Why even address this issue? Women have a way to say something rude nicely. Indirection floats in the air and poses as the truth when in reality it is unkind and catty. Passive aggression is a civilized bully that wars within and without.  
That was my experience. Someone repeatedly compared me to others. My imperfections were named indirectly but of course I knew they were mine: uneven skin tone, specific  skin blemishes and so on. I didn’t say anything I just kept hearing it in my head. I pushed it out as long as I could and then it became a feeling. It wasn’t a thought it was just this general feeling of ugliness. Maybe I’m aging and  I have just been given the hint. So the coverup began. 

My confidence of my twenties was shattered in just a few years. Now as I look back, I think makeup may cause more unevenness as it wears off; the sun shining  on my face unevenly. I recently started going back to my make up less face. I noticed an article about Alicia Keys and it feels great to know I am not the only one. 

Makeup doesn’t create peace and it surely doesn’t make the lady. Our hearts and minds have the ability to be peacemaking. It’s time we create a culture of women who look at each other and see the beauty within. After all, isn’t that what we teach our young daughters? Isn’t that what we teach our young boys to appreciate? Don’t we ask men to love us for our minds and hearts? We also need a consistent message when we wake up and go in the morning. When I walk out the door I want my daughter to see me as a kind soul who is interested in her  and not in just her beauty (she is so beautiful as she is). We are not “less than” just because we don’t wear make up. Our worth is much greater than the physical.  Let’s practice what we teach. 

P.S. I am not against make up, but pointing out the attitude that could and has come with it. If we put on make-up, let’s do it with a heart for others and ourselves. It should be a matter of personal choice: the choice to wear it or not. 


Here I am with #nomakeup!!! Oh, the only time I ever did my brows was for my wedding in 2000.

Where is your freedom? What brings you peace today?
Here is a verse that brings me peace and instruction when it comes to what I wear and don’t wear. I believe it applies to make-up as well. 
“For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?”

‭‭James‬ ‭2:2-4‬ ‭ESV‬

Summer snack options


I realize that when I am outside on a very hot day or after an intense workout, I notice that my sugar will drop because of the heat (like 100 + degree weather). Watermelon has a higher glycemic count, but I will consume it in small portions, less than the serving size A L O N G with a serving of a protein dense food. There are some things that can be enjoyed in moderation and at the right times with protein. Always with protein😊 I prefer to eat the protein first then the fruit and some type of complex carb. I try to keep the total carb count for one snack at least 15 grams of carbs. 

I try to avoid protein that is too high in fat. Fat is ok, but also in moderation (heart health is important too). So sometimes I will just drink a protein dense shake like VegaOne because I can keep it cool longer than a piece of cheese.  One scoop gives 19 grams of protein. Sometimes I just have half a scoop; depending on where I am such as a meeting where there is a variety of food. I am not vegan, but it is a good no-fat protein. It’s also gluten and yeast free if you have to stay away from yeast. 

Here is a great article that I am using to keep the glycemic index fresh on my mind! 

Enjoy!

http://www.livestrong.com/article/270875-honey-vs-sugar-glycemic-index/

Motivation and Mood

How motivated do I need to be to work out? 


I know I don’t need a mood to work out, it really means I just need to get dressed, eat and get out there and move. But I do need a smidgen of effort. Effort doesn’t mean that I want to do it all the time. If I let one event take me to the next, I’m just letting the workout happen. I need to be more aware of how many reps I get in, how much I lift and how long I ran. I am still looking at my progress for the week and I haven’t been running like I would want to. I purpose to run 3 miles next time. 

Maybe I am not so motivated because we have been moving and that didn’t go as I planned. My daughter and I were sick during the move so it impacted what I did that week. 

Last time I trained for CG games I pushed too much and got hurt. So now I am trying to push but be safe. 

It’s going to be hot. Stay hydrated. 

Standing here waiting for my turn to run as soon as my husband gets here. 
I purpose to run. Go!
Update: I ran the 3 miles! Looking forward to the next 3!

Letting Go

“So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.”‭‭Genesis‬ ‭50:20-21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I remember when she used to smile at me during those early mornings while everyone was asleep except for the nursing moms. I would sing her lullabies until my husband would take the next shift. He would come out of the bathroom and say, “Every time, I wake up I see Ema kissing the baby.” We would laugh in our tired new parent selves and I would keep kissing her. She will always be my baby. 

Now she dances, sashays, échappés and twirls throughout the room. She’s the ninja ballerina with all the specialized spy equipment. I love her flare and everything she is becoming. She smiles and asks to do her school routine because she wants to know how to spell words. She reads all the Mo Willems books and makes up her own version of the Pigeon stories. I love her passion for reading and her curiosity for the wonders of the world. 

Yesterday she performed so beautifully on stage with her friends for the very first time. She performed to the lullaby version of Purple Rain. I could see each year of my baby’s life in that song and I am so thankful for the opportunity to see her in her beautiful purple tutu. I was so proud of her and then, 

Imagine your favorite song, the music misses a beat 

and the record

stops. 

After the recital, she received a medal on stage.  I was expecting to see her happy, but she wasn’t. A perfect moment it was not, but a vital lesson was unfolding. She wanted to receive the trophy and not the medal. The trophy was for the five year participants. She is four and this is normal, but it was still the time for a lesson. Normally, I am embarrassed when these things happen because I don’t know who is watching. I’ve had all kinds of comments from all ends of the discipline style spectrum. What judgement will I be handed now?

” She’s homeschooled and therefore that’s why she can’t handle this. ”

“She’s four. There’s no use in explaining this to her. ”

“You should just empathize with her and console her. ”

“She’s an only child and can’t take losing.”

“Stop spoiling her, she’ll figure it out.”

“She’s just used to getting everything she wants.”

“You should have a perfect child. You’re a teacher. (I actually haven’t heard this one, but a lot of teachers have felt this way from time to time.)
Conclusion: You’re a terrible mother according to everybody in the past and in my mind.

How do I know this? I used to be a teacher. I know the behind the scenes comments about parents and their only children, unschooled children, homeschooled children, etc. 
I am not upset by this. I understand not understanding. 
Fortunately, that isn’t what happened, but the loudest critic lives in my head, and his name is the Accuser. 

I purposed on Friday not to let this critic shake my faith. If I indeed have a maker who knows me and formed me, I will respect how He has shaped my motherhood. I am hypoglycemic, so that means my speech slurs and so I don’t respond as quickly as other mom’s do. I wait for the words to make their way out of my lips. That moment was actually a good blood sugar moment. I asked my daughter if she would like to pray. She didn’t, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from praying. 

She was upset about this for the next few minutes and calmed down. We rode in the car and this still bothered her in spite of what we said. My “figure it out yourself mode” wasn’t on at the time. I just kept thinking that this was a lesson and that she would understand later. We talked about the girls being older and having lots of years of participation. Of course, four year olds don’t have the same concept of time as adults do, but I purposed to be calm and talk. 

She still kept talking to Daddy about wanting the trophy when we arrived at the restaurant but eventually she ate and then she asked us to pray for her. That was the end of the conversation and we talked about riding her bike. Later, she told me she liked her medal. 

I do believe there are moments for everything. In all my years of working with regular education children and some with high needs, I’ve seen all kinds of beautiful people blossom. Not every child is the same and not every one needs the same response. I value what I have learned in my training as a teacher. All that PD has come in handy. What I have found out as a mother is that I have a greater freedom to make my teaching more fruitful if I allow the Holy Spirit to take the lead. I ask myself sometimes if I put God in a box. Do I make Him out to be what I want Him to be or do I ever let go and Let God? If I have all the answers beforehand will I ever be amazed at His power? I do think the Holy Spirit can discipline my child when I can not. This keeps me from being harsh and critical of her and my own self. 

Praying doesn’t mean I just ignore my daughter it just means I don’t have to know it all to be a good mom. He wants me involved but He also wants me to trust Him. That imperfect moment was made perfect by Him; and it wasn’t just my daughter learning a lesson, I was learning one too. 

The day ended in peace and my morning begins with hope. What gives you hope today?